Live & Learn

By now I have a list a page long of things I want to write about but never seem to find the time. So much happens on a regular basis and although there's so much I want to share, I’ve acquiesced that I simply can't explain it all. However, through all the occurrences, there is at least one constant: I am continuously discovering new things about myself and I’m enjoying the process despite the stumbling blocks.

Robbed in Pucón: That’s twice now that I’ve been robbed in just three months. The first occurrence was in Santiago when my camera was ripped right out of my hands. I replaced it for a hefty price and hoped it wouldn’t happen again…Still, I had a hunch that my luck would run out and that it was only a matter of time before I’d come face to face with another misfortune.

Last weekend we went to Pucón, a stunningly beautiful location south of the Bío Bío Region. An enclave on Lake Villarica surrounded by the Andes and the active Villarica volcano, Pucón reminds me of a scene out of Jurassic Park with it’s greenery and mountains that pop straight out of the earth with peaks veiled in clouds. Eight other volunteers from various cities and I all congregated in Pucón. For me, it was a much needed break from Curanilahue and the frustrations of constant Spanish “miscomprehension”. It was rainy, windy, and cold all weekend but it didn’t effect our moods, our determination to have a great time, or the dramatic scenery. Through the course of the weekend, we enjoyed white water rafting, canopying through a zip-line course, as well as a fantastic BBQ complete with music, dancing, and laughter back at the cabin. Our last night is when things went south. At about 5:00 in the morning, someone broke into our cabin, rummaged through our bags in our rooms as we slept and managed to get away with my purse, another volunteer’s backpack and a pair of shoes. Unfortunately for me, my purse was his grand prize. He scored my camera, my phone, credit card, my Chilean ID, about $30, and a book about applying to law school if he speaks English and is suddenly struck with inspiration to ambitiously change career paths.

Things are cleared up now after a week of replacing most of the missing pieces. I had a lot of time to reflect on the occurrence and realized that my general reaction was curiously calm. So how do I feel about it? Surprisingly, less violated than I did the first time I was robbed. Am I frustrated? Certainly. Am I angry? No, not really. Mostly just disappointed. There are worse things that could have happened and all I wanted to do was keep moving forward. It’s an occurrence that I don’t want or have the energy to dwell on. In fact, I was more immediately distracted by a sudden improvement in Spanish upon returning home. Whether induced by the adrenaline inflicted by the robbery, the calming effect of travel, or by some other phenomenon, this discovery, even if it ends up being a fleeting coincidence, initially overshadowed much of the frustrations and disappointment of losing my possessions. In a way, I find this to be a testament to a shift in priorities since living in a foreign culture. The desire to fit in, to feel capable of normal tasks, to comprehend and communicate in Spanish, to maintain a sense of confidence which has been eroded through the process of culture shock is so strong and prevalent that lamenting the personal violation of a robbery and consequent lost possessions seems close to trivial.

I learned that right now, my priority is just to move forward and continue with teaching and learning. Hopefully, I’ll have the opportunity for a Pucón do-over later.

Thoughts on Language Learning: I have found that learning a language is a constant cycle of brief and exciting progress followed by long, aggravating plateaus. It starts out as a cacophony of strange sounds that seem impossible to grasp. Then, you start to figure out what some of the words mean, and then you start putting them together. A sense of confidence and euphoria starts to set in. You say the phrases with pride and satisfaction even though you still sound like an idiot. It dawned on me a little over a month ago that despite this new found ability, I simply can’t fathom the significance the words have to a native speaker. In this sense, learning and using the new phrases is practiced as if playing with a new toy – fun and engaging but used flippantly. For example - You are beautiful; I love you. Think about how strong those phrases are in English. There’s a lot of emotion both in speaking and listening to those statements. Now consider them in Spanish – tú eres linda; te amo; te quiero. These are just examples but if you didn’t grow up hearing these all the time, they just don’t have the same impact in your ear. Thus, in the beginning, you're uttering and hearing statements without fully comprehending their value. I don’t know when the true weight and meaning of words in one language transcends into the other or if it ever does, but I have a sense that it takes a long time.

I mentioned that language learning is full of progress and plateaus. Well, I’ve moved past the exciting Spanish-is-my-new-favorite-toy stage and hit a particularly long plateau. At times I have felt like I am drowning, lacking the faculties of communication and unable to stay afloat. Feeling in way over my head, there have been days when I just want to shut myself off from everyone and quit trying all together. Frequently embarrassed, conscious of how ridiculous I sound, and fatigued from the labors of obsessing over correct conjugations there’s nothing to do but keep at it. The drive to communicate pulls me out and forces me to persevere. Maybe I’ll wake up one of these days and be pleasantly surprised to hear the words flow confidently and correctly out of my mouth. Until then nothing is easy, but knowing that things will get better motivates me through the challenges.